The last couple of weeks I came across a couple of articles about the importance of ‘me time’ when you are a mother. Being you instead of just a mom. It made me think, no, it made me doubt my life and how I live it.
Yes, I need things for myself.
Yes, I would love to have more time by myself.
But next to the fact that time away from my children usually is ‘we time’ (because having time with the father of your children is important too, so I was told in a different article), for me taking a bath, going out for dinner, or having a pedicure doesn’t cut it.
(Kirsty Smith said it even better: “As far as I’m concerned, “me” time is a massive crock of shit. Stop trying to make basic maintenance something special. I’m using the restroom, not spending a week at a yoga retreat.”)
When I’m in the Netherlands, surrounded by family (read babysitters I trust) and friends I do feel more me and free. I do things without my children (and husband). But they are there in the back of my mind. Making me watch my clock a couple of times too many. Rush home, even if that conversation was not finished yet. Or I did like another drink.
Isn’t lack of time a consequence of becoming a parent? Doesn’t every decision, every choice you make have some sort of trade in? Like when you cut your hair short, do you need long hair days? When you move form a house to an apartment, do you need ‘yard time’?
Maybe it’s because I’m a bad planner, maybe it’s because I’m actually more okay with the situation than I think and choose ‘family time’ over ‘me time’. Maybe my sense of ‘me time’ is too extravagant. Maybe it’s just what it is, it’s not possible in my life at this moment. Maybe I don’t take care of myself enough. Who knows. I don’t.
All I know is that at this point in life I’m a mother. I spend almost every free minute with my two small children that depend on me. I just hope that one day, that space in my life for me will just naturally appear. Without feeling guilty or rushed.
But even without ‘me time’, I am not just a mother.
PS. Don’t you hate the expression ‘me time’?